Friday

November 6th, 2009.


X died yesterday. I haven't cried like that in a really long time. Everything was just really quiet all day. Seeing a living thing you've loved so much and raised and welcomed as such a big part of your life, dead like that -- having to do the practical things like freezing and planning a burial place and getting dressed for school while you're numb with horror and disbelief-- is more than surreal. I've had animals die in my childhood, but it was so different this time, confronting death unpolished and unmade-up. It broke my heart to see my little guy like that. All night we just reminisced and listened to songs that reminded us of him and would just cry and cry and cry over the tiniest memories. Its funny how that is. Pets mean so much more to people than other people realize.

I miss that weight on my shoulder, that little wheezy cough, seeing him scuttle across the floor. We keep listening to all the surf and the benny hill theme and the punk we would play whenever X was little and escaped through the bars or fought with Viktor or chased a cat...its shitty realizing that those days are to be filed into the past now. I can reach him so easily in my memory, but physically hes gone forever and ever. It so strange.

Matt made a little coffin and filled it with fabric scraps and vials of beer and treats and pictures. I decorated it with hearts and wrote the lyrics to The Last Beat of my Heart on the lid. We're burying him tonight in this park by the beach that we go to all the time.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ul7bqFguPg

I know newspapers and such don't really embrace pet obituaries, so this is mine. I love my X so much, always and always.

http://lizziemongoose.blogspot.com/2009/05/may-2nd-2009.html